The practice series
by Floreana
Summary: Set between Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. Bella and Edward use this time to "practice" for their wedding night. Ever wondered who's idea it was? And how it started? Sweet, romantic and akward questions in turn game. I rate everything M for safety.


Authors Note: I wanted to do this for a while. I am not sure if there will be a second chapter but maybe. So please be nice and review. Enjoy! XXX

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns it all.

Confession

It had been days since Edward proposed to me and I said yes. Since then we hadn't have really time for just each other. First we had to deal with Victoria and the Newborns followed by the encounter with the Volturi. It was chased by all the worry about Jacob and the breaking of those pieces of my heart that loved him. Last but definitely not least we told Charlie and my mother about our plans and that really took its toll on me. Add an over blissfully Alice calling me every hour or so to discuss wedding arrangements and my days were full. She would always start with: "This is an _emergency_ call; I will need your attention just one sec….." And it would take her at least twenty minutes to just explain what she wanted from me, because she knew exactly if she didn't lure me in first she'd never get her will. So no wonder I just fell in bed at nights and would be asleep as soon as my head touched the pillow.

Well tonight was the first moment I had the feeling to be able to breathe freely again. My Mom reacted better to the news than I ever expected and my dad was occupied by Alice and her beaming spirits about the wedding that I think he actually started looking forward to it. The worst dreads were banished and I wasn't as worried and tired as the days before. I was genuinely happy to spend the evening with Edward and just be with him, talk to him. Be us, finally. But as he entered my room when Charlie finally had fallen asleep, I was kind of disappointed when I saw his controlled face just partly concealing some kind of worry.

"Hey!" He greeted me and lay down with me in my bed. "Hey, you." I moved to catch his lips and kissed him. The sensation of his cold lips touching mine was overwhelming each and every time. But I soon noticed that Edward wasn't really paying attention.

"What is it?" I asked him.

"It's nothing." He looked at me trying to be convincing. But since I knew I let myself be fooled by him so severely when he told me he didn't love me, I brood over how that was possible. Bit by bit I remembered the little signs which should have told me he's lying. And he was lying now.

"Please Edward I know there's something. And I am kind of tired of all the secrets. So just tell me." I smiled encouragingly. He didn't respond for a long moment but finally he sighed and touched the tip of my nose with his finger.

"I am kind of trying to get up the nerve to discuss something with you."

"Mhm, okay and what?" I was curious. Edward hesitated with his answer again pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Yeah, well…, it's…I said we will try, but…" _No don't say you wanna back out, no option!_ I felt panic rising within me.

"No Edward, no! No way! You promised. We had a deal and everything…I swear if you are backing out of this I'll break your sister's heart by cancelling the wedding!" I wanted to sound adamantine but it came out whiny.

"Noo, I don't want to back out, sorry that was somehow miss formulated." He rushed to say smiling apologetically. _Oh thank god._

"Okay, good… that's… good, but what is it then?" I looked at him wondering.

"Fine, here it goes…" Edward said. "I said we'd try but I am worried- I am so so worried Bella, and I think we…we…that we should… practice?" It was rather a question than a statement and the last part he just whispered not looking at me but watching his fingers playing nervously with my pillow's tag for washing instructions. I stared blankly at him not quite understanding. What did he mean by practice? Er…Petting? I was embarrassed even thinking the word. Did he perhaps want me to strip so he wouldn't be taken by surprise to see me naked in our wedding night? I felt the heat rise to my cheeks, and I now Edward felt it too. I only realized that I hadn't answered him yet when he peaked through his eyelashes, saw my blank expression and immediately withdraw.

"It's a stupid idea. Please forget that I ever mentioned it Love… tell me how your evening was instead?" He tried to smooth it over, change the subject.

"Wait, no! I just was surprised and I don't think I understand what you mean, well I _do_ but what did you have in mind- exactly?- An example perhaps?" I watched him as he looked me in the eye and I could see the conflict burning behind his own.

"Bella, it's really kind of hard for me to talk about this stuff…" he said his voice somewhat pained and returned to fidgeting with my pillow. _Huh?_ Why would Edward have problems talking about it? I mean I knew I wasn't good in this, but Edward? He always seemed so confident. Always so sure of himself. And then it hit me! It was so obvious that I beat myself up for not noticing it earlier to its full extend: Because Edward always had to stay in utter control for me, this control kind of consumed him, shadowing parts of his personality. He never allowed himself to be fully lighthearted with me because he felt like he couldn't let the control slip for one moment. Considering this I was positive that Edward- although I thought it impossible-was utterly embarrassed and- if human- would be beet red by now. I couldn't help it and voiced my suspicion astonished:

"You're embarrassed?" He still didn't look at me and when he answered his voice was only a whisper:

"Perhaps?" Oh God, he was so damn cute! I mean using the word cute relating to Edward was somehow an understatement but in this very moment he was just this- a cute- as- a- button 17 year old boy who didn't know how to approach sexual issues at all.

"Would it help if I tell you I am embarrassed too?" I asked. I saw him swallow and finally looking at me. He smiled warmly.

"It helps… a little, but you know I wasn't brought up like this. I was taught- or rather not taught that its an taboo. I mean I am- or was part of a generation which truly believed they'll get ill from masturbation!" I turned red again, hearing Edward use this word seemed so out of character and kind of hot at the same time, and I knew instantly I wanted to hear him say more like this. Before I could respond somehow, he continued with his little story as though he was happy to tell it finally.

"You should think that with the mind reading it would get easier because to be honest 90 percent of what people are thinking about is sex. But me I really couldn't get used to it. Sometimes I feel like an involuntary Peeping- Tom."

It was then that I took him in my arms and I was glad he let me. I desperately searched for something to say to ease the tension. "So what you are trying to say is, Emmet is not the worst?" He laughed wholeheartedly at my attempt. "Thanks Bella I needed to hear that." He stroked my cheek lovingly and sighed: "Well to come to terms: I want to test a few things under a _controlled environment_, just to know my boundaries and my limits and…and yours too, of course.

"That cleared things up- sounds like you want to take a blood sample from me." I said ironically. Edward smirked. "What I mean by controlled environment is basically breaking the rules a bit when other rules are in force."

_What?_ I had to clarify this: "Like in _everything- above- the waistline_- is okay?" He breathed a sigh of relief. "Yes like that, well not exactly perhaps, but you are thinking in the right direction."

"And how far to do you wanna let this go?" I wanted to know. "I am not sure of this, I don't even know if it's a good idea at all, but I thought it might help but ahm, I myself have no idea how to start, were to start…"

I considered this. "Well…how about, given the fact that we both don't feel comfortable talking about that kind of stuff, we'd just start there? Talking about it- getting comfortable?" Edward nodded: "It sounds like a good idea." And then he called faster than I could blink:" I AM NOT FIRST!" _Shoot!_

"Damn it Edward, I don't want to start!" He grinned. "Me neither!"

"But it was your idea- you go first!" Edward sighed: "Well fine, I'm wiser, I'll start- you wanna ask questions in turns?

"Mhm ya…wait- wiser? Hey that's _not _what I meant!" I shoot him an angry look. "Do you wanna ask your question or do you wanna cede it to me?" He challenged.

"All right, all right, mhm let me think…ahm…since you know you won't get ill do you… do it?" Edward laughed:"What? You can't say the word? I said it… it's just fair if you formulate your questions precisely otherwise you'd be officially a bigger prude than a kid from 1901!"

"God, Edward, really it's a shit word…damn it, fine…Do. You. Masturbate? As soon as it were out I hid my face in the pillow humiliated, but after all I wanted to see his reaction, so I risked a shy glance towards him.

Although I could still see his embarrassment he smiled at me and moved to lay on his side propped up on his elbow: "Well I'll try to answer this one honestly… I can only guess that I also did it when I thought it would make me ill, but I can only recall some sort of shame related to it no actual act of… well… masturbation," he winked at me, "but it has to come from somewhere does it? And since I became a vampire I didn't felt the urge for it. But on two or three occasions I did it because I was kind of worried that I was abnormal. That was of course before I met you. Now it's quite necessary."

"Really? You mean. You do it often?" Edward shook his head no "That is another questions but it's my turn." _Oh God, please don't ask the same question!_ I waited nervously.

"Er, your bra size?" He wanted to know something like this? Really? Well on the other hand that surely was something every guy wanted to know about his girlfriend. Were we both really that uptight that we didn't ever think of telling each other such basic things? I guess so, because I answered evasively:" I am sure Alice knows it perfectly. You never picked it from her thoughts?"

"No, I try not to pick something like this and Alice is after all good in hiding stuff. So your bra size?" he pressed.

"It's 34A." Edward grinned satisfied. _My turn._ I decided to go easy with him given the fact that my first question was rude compared to his.

"Do you wear briefs, boxers or this middle thing?"

"It changes with fashion and according to Alice the only underwear men should wear this season are trunks which would be the middle thing. So as a matter of fact I wear those, 'cause honestly Alice would never let me wear unfashionable underwear." He laughed and I imagined him wearing those, and those alone.

"So it's my turn. Do you imagine how I look like in my underwear right now?"

I turned red immediately. "What? No! I wasn't thinking that!"

"Yes you were! I very nearly _heard_ you thinking exactly this!" I said nothing wanting the earth to swallow me right now. "Okay I'll confess it. I was! Question answered. My turn. Did you imagine me in a 34A sized bra?" _Deal with it._

"Definitely thinking about you in that bra!" _Shoot._ Turned out to be a lame payback and I wasted a question on this.

"Do _you_ masturbate Bella?" I knew it would come eventually. Honestly I nearly drove myself crazy wondering if Edward did it before he brought the topic up. So it was only fair. But still…I looked at him and his eyes were so full of love and understanding that I wanted to tell him. I sighed preparing myself.

"I really tried it only once and to say the truth you kind of interrupted me, I thought you'd be gone for another hour, but you returned earlier from hunting…"

"Wait was that about three weeks ago?" I nodded. "I _knew_ I smelled something like that on you…"Edward grinned. "WHAT you can smell those kind of things?" I exclaimed . "Oh god so every time I am like… excited… you can smell that too?"

"Positive." He answered. "Urgh, god!" I tried to hide myself again but Edward held me tight: "Don't be embarrassed love, I see it as a compliment- really and it's… well It's utterly _sexy_, Bella." His smile was so sweet and sincere that I couldn't feel bad about it for long and he had called it sexy, and it was my turn. I should press the matter a bit considering the fact that Edward suddenly seemed to have no problems at all talking about it.

"So, Edward name three synonyms for the male sex parts."

"Do I have to?" So here we go- that wasn't easy for him.

"Yes you have to, and no medical expression they have to be colloquial." Edward offered me a seductive half-grinn.

"You wanna hear me say _dick_, Bella? Is it that?" He purred. _Yes._ I could just nod and try to hold back any arousal he could smell. Useless. He grinned wider.

"So three synonyms: Dick, dong and brick, good?" We both had to bite our lips to prevent ourselves from laughing and failed. We fell in to a fit of giggles. Edward muffled his own against the pillow.

"This is totally awesome _and_ awkward. Okay I wanna know if there's a movie you watched that kind of…turned you on?"

"Like porn?"Edward rolled his eyes "No silly I mean a normal film with some grown-up scenes."

"Ahm, that would be nine and a half weeks, I think" Edward looked surprised. "Really? I'd thought it would be something more…romantic. The movie is kind of…advanced."

"Well it's the only movie of that kind I ever watched. It was back in Phoenix I was 15 perhaps, and a friend "borrowed" it from her older sister. We watched it in secret and I think it turned out to be quite embarrassing watching it together. But yeah I liked the concept about those two people trying to be together even though they were different and enjoyed different things. How they cope with it. And yeah it was hot, too." Did I ever think I would talk to Edward like this? Sure not.

"I kind of think it's hot, too." Edward confessed smiling at me. "And it's your turn with the questions, Love…"

"Mhm, right…so how often?" He knew exactly what I meant and answered without teasing me this time or making me say it.

"At times." I slowly got annoyed with his circumventive answers. Which kind of statement is _at times_?

"At which times?" I pressed.

"Well the first time was in the summer before you turned 18, you…you were sleep talking and what you had to say was clearly part of a… well… special dream. It was too much Bella, I had to leave and well get rid of some tension. The last time was after… ahm… after you tried to seduce me and I saved our virtue by proposing to you…"

"You're aware I could have helped you with that?" Edward chuckled. "Yes, Bella, but that's exactly what I had to prevent from happening, the whole arrangement would have been useless if you would have –er- touched me."

"So this practice thing won't lead to anything in the end- won't it?" I asked disillusioned.

"I didn't say that- that's _exactly _why I wanna do it, I wanna keep you safe, and not go and pounce on you the second you… well decide to touch me, _and_ I answered your questions though it was my turn which means I have one free." It seemed to be a big confession to him, so I nodded.

"Fine, go ahead."

"When did you get your first period? _Uhrg gross._ But could be worse. "With thirteen." _One more to go._

"In that dream of yours…what was it about?" I knew I shouldn't have let him ask two questions. But he looked at me longingly, that was obviously something he'd wanna know for ages. Thing was I didn't remember at all and I told him so but added: "What did I say?"

Edward shook his head in mock reproval: "You're one clever girl- _Let Edward tell the sexdream…._"

"But if I don't remember, _you_ wanted to know after all…" He grinned and said: "Okay, Love…you said my name a few times, and you…you begged me to touch you…_there_…well wherever _there_ might have been…and you moaned, than you said something about you hope I wouldn't eat the rabbit…sounding familiar?" He eyed me carefully as to check if I was as ashamed as he was. I was.

"Oh the dream with the rabbit! Yeah I do remember. You and I were in a deserted area and you were so thirsty and I didn't know how to help you. Than we met this rabbit in his little suit and he invited us over for tea and biscuits which I strangely considered as helpful in your condition, but in the tea was _something_ and we ended up making out while the rabbit were getting the biscuits. And then…then…"

"Yes Love? You can tell me, where did you want me to touch you?" He asked tenderly.

"Mhm, I…I wanted you to touch me….here…" I couldn't say it I just pointed to my breasts, and closed my eyes so he wouldn't see how embarrassed I was now. There was a long silence, than Edward spoke:" The thing with the rabbit is strange." We both laughed. I opened my eyes and grinned. It was actual fun to play this game. "Yeah, it is, right?" Edward still laughing shook his head:" I really wracked my brain about this!" Then he raised his hands and cupped my cheek in his palm. Softly he said: "I hope you do realize I too wanna touch you there desperately, Bella. I wanna desperately give you passion and pleasure. But I don't know how without risking your health. But please know that I want to. I wouldn't put you trough this if it weren't necessary" I swallowed hard and my heart swelled with love and something else. Proud. It felt so good hearing him say that. I had missed it in our relationship.

"Edward, this _was_ a good idea of yours." We smiled at each other and I knew he felt the same way.

"Okay, Bella one more question than you need to sleep its long after midnight, and I promise we'll continue tomorrow to…adjust to each other."He smiled his crooked- smile and I watched him dreamy until he reminded me of my question again. Because I didn't really wanted it to be over so soon I decided to go for a big issue:

"Has there ever been a girl before me you had… I don't know a crush on or flirted with?" Would he tell me the truth about it? He cleared his throat unnecessarily.

"That one is hard to answer: If I say no you won't believe me, if I say yes you'll hate me!" He looked sheepishly at me. "Oh c'mon Edward that's no trick. Just don't answer yes or no. Explain it."

Edward turned on his back and watched the ceiling. "First thing you have to know, Bella, it is not nice… the mind reading. Of course it can be useful but most of the time I hear stuff that I don't want and I'm not meant to hear. So nearly every time I saw a pretty face, I heard them think about things they want to do with me, about things I did to them-would you want to see yourself having sex in the mind of complete strangers? I do know that it's perfectly normal to think those thoughts but it destroys the magic. It really does. So I tried to avoid those situations and to not encourage people in any way- like flirting would have been. But to be honest there was something like a tender moment back in the 1950ies." I didn't dare to breathe and said nothing.

After a few seconds Edward continued:" Alice and Jasper had joined the family recently and I didn't have to deal with only two but three perfectly matched couples. It's not that I really missed something but sometimes it was harder than normally and I felt like the odd old man out. That night was just such a time. I went for a walk and let me loose myself in the nightlife of some city we leaved nearby. I entered a diner, sat in a booth and asked myself if I would be alone for eternity. At the bar opposite from me sat a human girl who was pretty decent. And she thought about me but not in a physical way. Suddenly she thought very clearly:"Why are you so sad?" It was such a nice thing to say that I forgot she only thought it and answered her: "It's nothing thanks." After that she was in a mild state of panic and left. That was the only encounter. And it was over before it had really begun" Edward was quiet then and studied the ceiling again. He waited for me to respond.

"I feel so sorry that you had to wait so long- to feel love- you deserve it so much. So long alone." Edward smiled "It was worth it, Love- you're not mad at me?" he asked wary. "No, why should I? Even my parents weren't born back then, so I am not mad as long as she wasn't prettier than me. Edward smiled and took me in his arms. "No she wasn't half as pretty as you, Beautiful. But now you have to go to bed." I snuggled deeper into his hug and although I could have continued talking for hours on I felt tiredness coming quickly now. Edward started to hum my lullaby and I drifted off to sleep. Before I crossed the bridge between reality and dream I think I heard a whispered confession:

"_Be sure I desire you Bella, be sure I want you. Be sure I'll make this good for you, be a better man for you. Be sure I love you. Forever."_


End file.
